Oubliez Filles d’aujourd’hui, voici Kickz ! « The magazine of bored middle-class teenagers ». J’aurais tellement acheté ça.
Kickz est un supplément de quatre pages inclus dans le numéro d’août 1977 de National Lampoon, dont le thème était « Cheap Thrills ».
Y’a pas à dire, on s’amusait dans les années 70 :
The Big Newz in Boston is spray painting school kids. In Detroit, everybody’s getting off on self-inflicted dick tatoos. The parents in Kenosha, Wisconsin, are shitting wolverines over local used Tampax wars. Denver looks real good for safety pin swallowers. St. Louis is the place to be if you’re into derailing commuter trains. Wasting water is the latest thrill in Marin County. Ft. Lauderdale is going birdshit over gangs of kids breaking into intensive care units and unplugging the old folks. Lumberjacking (cutting down utility poles) is catching on in Des Moines. New York Yankee fans are having a good time throwing full beer cans at millionaire ballplayers. Mass public beat-offs are shaking up St. Paul, Minn. A good time in Grosse Pointe, Mich., these days is blowing the whistle on your old man’s tax return.
Le magazine québécois Croc, fortement influencé par National Lampoon, avait lancé au début des années 1990 un magazine irrévérencieux ciblant les adolescents : Anormal, dont il existe quatre numéros.
Un message aux jeunes drogués :
A message to drug users.
Drugs are dangerous. They are also fun. Drugs are harmful to the body and mind. They are also fun. Most drugs used by young people are either illegal or used illegally. They are also fun.
Incoming search terms:
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New Use for Clitoris Found
Chicago — An independent research firm has discovered that the nerve endings found in the human clitoris last longer and illuminate better and more economically than the tungsten now used in light bulbs. The company, Electrogenitalia Research, says the first of the so-called clit bulbs will be available within ten years.
National Lampoon, 08-1977.
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clitclitoris et equitationJANIS JOPLIN BIG PICTURESpray with elvis presleysans clitorisdiving light 3 bulbsimages de Crumbindian removal act in 1830 images
Teens Try to Sell Negroes
Annapolis — In yet another example of the adverse effects of television on young people, Maryland law enforcement agents arrested seven youths in connection with a slave ring. According to agents, the youths, males aged fifteen to eighteen, flew to Gambia, took ninety-eight blacks hostage and brought them to Annapolis on a commercial liner. Once in Annapolis, the youths distributed handbills offering the blacks for sale.
« We saw Roots on TV » one of the youths told reporters. « We thought we could make good money selling slaves. »
The youths planned to use the money they made from the slave sale to buy stereo equipment.
Pendant ce temps en Chine :
Fear 8,000,000 Spared in Chinese Quakes
Peking — Chinese officials expressed concern that as many as 8,000,000 people may have survived a series of earthquakes that rocked northern Chinese provinces this month.
Leaders had seen the quakes, which all measured better than 7.5 on the Richter scale, as a way to meet clothing, food and housing quotas for the new year. The Chinese are hoping that floods brought on by the crumbling of earth dams will give them at least a portion of the fatalities they so desperately need. UN offers of aid for the striken areas were called « insensitive, cruel, and a deliberate attempt to tamper with the internal instability of China an its peoples. »
National Lampoon, août 1977.
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Religion-racketeer sells tickets to eternal life.
Bonne fête, mémère. On vous paye un beau voyage.
During the past three years Elizabeth Rose Lanneville cleaned up a fortune in Montreal.
She averaged around $15,000 a year by selling special excursion tickets to eternal life in the hereafter.
Midnight, 24 mai 1965.
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Mrs. Hynes lifts up couch to show where husband lived.
Convict Lies Low For 2 Years — Under a Couch
by Walter Brae
Frank Hynes hated the thought of going back to prison. So he dodged police by hiding under a couch — for 2 years. The couch was in his own living-room and sometimes detectives searching for him actually sat on it while they questioned Frank’s wife and six children about his whereabouts. The policemen couldn’t understand why the children giggled so much and it never occured to them that they might be sitting down on the job.
(…) Frank started his game of hide and seek in March, 1963, when he heard the police were looking for him for theft and burglary. (…)
« He didn’t tell me anything about his plans », said Joyce. (…) « I went out to do some shopping and when I got back I couldn’t find him. I looked all over the house, but he wasn’t there.
« I made myself a pot of tea and sat down on our old couch to think about it. (…) Anyway, I put my cup and saucer on the floor beside me for a minute but when I reached back for it it had gone. I didn’t know what to think.
(…) « Sometimes when he was under the floor rats came up to him. (…)
The jail sentence he was evading will not last half has long — for Hynes was sent to prison for only 1 year and he can get five months remission for good behavior. Said Mrs. Hynes: « I’m glad it’s all over. Frank is probably better off inside. It must be more comfortable in a cell than inside that couch — and he will be able to go out in the fresh air for exercise. »
Mrs. Hynes shows where husband, Frank (inset), crawled through floor.
Source: Midnight, May 24, 1965.
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Il est beau, il est blond et il se promène avec du bétail qui saigne sur les épaules : Pas de doute, c’est Robinson de la brousse.
Aujourd’hui, un (très) court extrait du condensé des aventures de ce pêcheur devenu chasseur malgré lui, publié dans le prestigieux Reader’s Digest de novembre 1981.
Robison de la brousse
Par Rod Ansell – Propos recueillis par Rachel Percy
Jeune cow-boy australien de 26 ans, Rod Ansell pêche en solitaire dans un fleuve sauvage quand son bateau coule. Il se retrouve sans matériel et sans provisions dans une région désertique, coupée du monde des hommes. Tout ce qui lui reste ce sont ses deux petits chiens, sa carabine, son couteau et sa volonté de suirvivre.
Le flux me pousse gaillardement vers ce qui paraît être le fleuve, droit devant nous; mais j’ai la quasi certitude qu’il sagit d’un cul-de-sac et que le fleuve se trouve à droite. Presque aussitôt le courant saisit l’embarquation et nous entraîne vers une trouée : nous sommes bel et bien sur le fleuve !
Pour savoir s’il trouvera des oeufs pour accompagner son bacon ou s’il finira au fond du fleuve sauvage, recherchez le palpitant : To fight the wild, Currency press, Sydney, 1980.
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Êtes-vous une jeune femme célibataire ayant besoin de cours de grimage pour briller de mille feux et être ainsi certaine d’embrasser un homme au décompte de ménuit au jour de l’an? Ça tombe bien, nos vedettes du petit écran on pensé à vous (en 1979)!
Au cours de la semaine, nous vous offrirons des petits conseils pour y arriver! Que vous ayez 2, 5 ou un gros 10 minutes à passer sur votre look, nous avons déniché des trucs de vedettes décortiqués étape par étape pour assurer le french tant convoité une fois le «bonne année!» crié. Il ne vous restera plus qu’à traîner des Certs dans votre sacoche.
Commençons doucement avec la méthode 2 minutes, en compagnie de la charmante Linda Kelsey, vedette du beau programme Lou Grant.
2 minutes is all you need to create this versatile day-or-evening makeup, illustrated here by Linda Kelsey, of CBS-TV’s Lou Grant.
1. Dot on cinnamon blusher and blend-quick with creme-in-pot type
2. Contour-here, to shorten nose, contouring makeup is brushed on tip.
3. Sponge-tip applicator applies gray-green shadow in seconds.
4. Finger-on tawny-peach lip gloss for luscious almost-instant color.
5. Accent chin, forehead, with dust of powder blusher in peach.
1979
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