You’ve probably been noticing a number of articles and books about the penis lately, nous dit la publicité que nous vous présentons aujourd’hui. Pas juste récemment, parce que ça date de 1979 et on en parle toujours pas mal. Pour ceux qui ne sont pas à l’abri des yeux indiscrets, vous savez avec cette entrée en matières ce que ça veut dire: cliquez (ou pas) sur le lien ci-dessous pour voir la suite.

*NOT SAFE FOR WORK – PAS POUR LE TRAVAIL*

IF YOUR PENIS IS TOO LARGE DON’T READ THIS!
If every woman you’ve ever made love to has said, « You’re hurting me! » If women gasp in awe or run screaming from the room when you drop your trousers, then read no further. This advertisement is definitely not for you! But if you’re like most of the men in the world. If you haven’t really heard any complaints from the women you share a bed with but you’d still like to be « just a little bit larger » …if you’d like to « get the bird’s attention » whenever it pleased you, then read on, gentlemen, read on, becase we have the answer for you!
Does bigger really mean better! Whatever knowledge of a woman’s anatomy you may have, whatever « tricks » you may have collected, the fact is every woman appreciates the wonderful sensation of being truly « filled » when she is making love!
Please send me my Magna System under plain cover.

Haven’t you always dreamed that « being in heaven » would be like taking a woman any time you pleased, in any way you wanted her?

Non. Nous, jamais. Aucune idée de quoi ils parlent. Mais si ça vous intéresse, soyez d’abord avertis du message d’intérêt public qui suit :

*NOT SAFE FOR WORK – PAS POUR LE TRAVAIL*

We’ve all dreamt of meeting the totally submissive woman, that breathtakingly beautiful creature whose only purpose in life is our pleasure. Some magical soul-mate who asks only to be entered, anywhere it pleases us, again and again. The ultimate quest of all truly lustful men… the love slave!
At last, she’s here! The constantly submissive, eternally young, perpetually lustful woman of your dreams, can be yours. Yours to dominate, to crush beneath you as you penetrate her warm and welcoming body again and again. Dress her as you would dress a dream and then ravish her, totally, violently, freely!
« Heaven » will enter your bedroom bringing with her the most exciting sounds of love you’ll ever hear. In her sultry tones, she’ll marvel at your body, plead for mercy when you hurt her, purr from the pleasure you give her and moan with ecstasy the instant she takes your manhood into her warm and willing mouth.
At last, a woman who only says the things you want to hear and only speaks when you tell her to!

Un souvenir de 1979.

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Par J. Michael Leonard.

Favorite jokes of the Southland #69
— Y’know, Maw, hit sholy pains me to think of our little Lena Lula… A’layin’ over yonder’n that cold graveyard night adder night adder night!
— A’ yeah, pain. Hit’s sholy a painful thought!
— Yes, Lord! Ol’ tombstone above her head! Painful… Painful… Why – sometime I even catch m’self a’wishin’ she wuz dead!

Favorite jokes of the Southland #41476
— Ho Lawd – ‘an I ain’t doin’ but fif’teen!
— While you ol’ boys git that garbage picked up, I’ll write ‘cha out a ticket for litterin’! Now git that shit covered ‘fore yawl pull out of here or I’ll take ya in!
— Now ain’t people wasteful! Somebody done threw away a perfectly good nigger!

Favorite jokes of the Southland #1
— Audrey, cin I look up yo’ dress?
— Why – I reck’ Rastus!
— Lawd! Lawd! Hit’s a wonder to behold!!

— Audrey, cin I look up yo dress agin?
— Sho’
— Yes Lawd! Hit’s sholy ah wonder.

— Audrey, cin I peek up under you dress jus’ one mo’ time?
— Well, I ‘speck so.
— Yeowsur! Yeowsur! Yeowsur! Hit’s ah sho’ nuff wonder! I can’t fugger it out.
— Whut y’all mean, Rastus? Whut’s ah wonder?
— Hit’s ah wonder that yo guts don’t slide out!

Paru dans National Lampoon, juillet 1976.

À voir aussi dans nos archives :
* A Map of the United States (Showing the Deep South, Its Principal Cities, Historical Events, and Peoples).
* Portraits of the New South, par Don Ivan Punchatz (1936 – 2009).
* Divers souvenirs du sud.

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How can mills produce fabric that is sure to come clean?
They weave it of 100% Herculon olefin fiber, the most stain-resistant of all man-made fibers used in today’s upholstery fabrics and carpeting. Stain and soil release are built right into the fiber, not added on. Also, with Herculon, the color is built into the fiber itself, so it will not wash or wear off.
Always an innovator in chemicals, Hercules was first in the U.S. to produce commercial polypropylene, the basic resin from which Herculon fiber is made.
Hercules has the answer. Hercules worldwide in chemicals.

Merci à Guillaume pour cet envoi. Si vous avez vous aussi des raretés à nous faire parvenir, envoyez-les à Vieille Marde. Votre sous-sol encombré vous remerciera.

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Publicité trouvée dans le National Lampoon de juillet 1976 pour l’album Black and Blue des Rolling Stones, paru en avril la même année. La jeune femme légèrement endommagée sur la photo s’appelle Anita Russell et, bien sûr, cette pub a suscité à l’époque pas mal de controverse.

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Oubliez Filles d’aujourd’hui, voici Kickz ! « The magazine of bored middle-class teenagers ». J’aurais tellement acheté ça.

Kickz est un supplément de quatre pages inclus dans le numéro d’août 1977 de National Lampoon, dont le thème était « Cheap Thrills ».

Y’a pas à dire, on s’amusait dans les années 70 :

The Big Newz in Boston is spray painting school kids. In Detroit, everybody’s getting off on self-inflicted dick tatoos. The parents in Kenosha, Wisconsin, are shitting wolverines over local used Tampax wars. Denver looks real good for safety pin swallowers. St. Louis is the place to be if you’re into derailing commuter trains. Wasting water is the latest thrill in Marin County. Ft. Lauderdale is going birdshit over gangs of kids breaking into intensive care units and unplugging the old folks. Lumberjacking (cutting down utility poles) is catching on in Des Moines. New York Yankee fans are having a good time throwing full beer cans at millionaire ballplayers. Mass public beat-offs are shaking up St. Paul, Minn. A good time in Grosse Pointe, Mich., these days is blowing the whistle on your old man’s tax return.

Le magazine québécois Croc, fortement influencé par National Lampoon, avait lancé au début des années 1990 un magazine irrévérencieux ciblant les adolescents : Anormal, dont il existe quatre numéros.

Un message aux jeunes drogués :

A message to drug users.
Drugs are dangerous. They are also fun. Drugs are harmful to the body and mind. They are also fun. Most drugs used by young people are either illegal or used illegally. They are also fun.

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Beef up your beer.
Pick up a Slim Jim five-pack with your next six-pack. The chewy, all-meat snack will show you very quickly why it became so much at home in bars.
A little less than a meal. A little more than a snack.

Publicité de beef jerky, 1977.

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Viceroy. More Tobacco & Less Tar than Winston or Marlboro.
Instead of using stronger tobacco, Viceroy uses more tobacco & a lower tar blend than Winston or Marlboro. The result is a mild, fully packed cigarette with an extra satisfying taste. And yes, lower tar than Winston or Marlboro.

Publicité de cigarettes Viceroy, 1977.

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Publicité d’un magazine de 1977 pour l’album Love Gun de Kiss.

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New Use for Clitoris Found
Chicago — An independent research firm has discovered that the nerve endings found in the human clitoris last longer and illuminate better and more economically than the tungsten now used in light bulbs. The company, Electrogenitalia Research, says the first of the so-called clit bulbs will be available within ten years.

National Lampoon, 08-1977.

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