L’origine de cette découpure de presse ainsi que sa date de publication sont inconnues. La fête de l’Empire (Empire Day) était célébrée au Canada à la fin du 19e siècle et dans la première moitié du 20e siècle, le 24 mai, jour de l’anniversaire de la reine Victoria d’Angleterre. Elle est devenue la fête du Commonwealth au Canada en 1958 et est par la suite disparue pour devenir ce qu’on appelle aujourd’hui la fête de la Reine (Victoria Day). Cet article doit donc être antérieur à 1958. Le professeur Chafe mentionné dans l’article est un Manitobain qui a écrit plusieurs livres et articles dans les années 1940 et 1950.

La futilité de la fête de l’Empire
Un historien de Winnipeg prétend qu’elle n’a plus sa raison d’être.

Winnipeg, 16. (PCf) — Le principal d’une école de Winnipeg, qui est en même temps historien et écrivain, croit que le jour de l’Empire est une chose tout à fait futile.
M. J.-W. Chafe, 52 ans, principal de l’école Alexandra, et auteur de plusieurs livres d’histoire, s’est attaqué à la conception actuelle de l’Empire au cours d’une allocution devant ses étudiants rassemblés pour célébrer le jour de l’Empire. M. Chafe a plutôt parlé du Canada.
Le jour de l’Empire est aussi démodé que les vélocipèdes et les vertugadins, a déclaré M. Chafe qui, avec la collaboration du Dr. A.-R.-M. Lower, de l’université Queen’s, a écrit Canada, a Nation, livre qui a été utilisé par les étudiants d’école supérieures dans la plupart des provinces. M. Chafe est aussi l’auteur de Canada, Your Country, et d’Early Life in Canada.
Dans son discours aux étudiants, M. Chafe a déclaré que le Canada est maintenant rendu à maturité et qu’il est une nation… ce qu’ignorent des milliers de Canadiens. « Demandez-leur ce qu’est un citoyen canadien, si le Canada a un drapeau et si le Canada paie des taxes à la Grande-Bretagne? »
« Trop de gens ignorent ces choses, a déploré M. Chafe, comme il y en a trop qui ne savent pas que la citoyenneté canadienne est une chose qui existe de fait, ayant été établie en janvier 1946.
« Remerciez Dieu chaque fois que vous verrez quelqu’un qui n’a pas l’impression qu’un Canadien soit un Anglais, soit un Irlandais, soit un Écossais… Un Canadien est une personne qui est née ici ou qui y a vécu ou encore qui a demandé son admission comme citoyen. »
Le cas des Canadiens français
Au sujet des Canadiens de langue française, M. Chafe a demandé: « Croyez-vous qu’on puisse s’attendre à les voir se joindre de gaieté de coeur aux manifestations de l’Empire britannique?… Nous ne devons pas être des nationalistes aux conceptions étroites, mais est-ce que l’histoire ne prouve pas que l’internationalisme est basé sur un nationalisme sain? » Il a ajouté que les Canadiens n’éprouvent aucune fierté envers leurs pays [sic] et qu’il est temps qu’ils fassent preuve d’un tel sentiment.

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Jailed For Drunken Flying After Plastered Pilot Scares Hell Out Of Two States
by Vic Burns
« It was all a big mistake. I’m no drunken sky driver. » Raymond T. Volzer, 48, a mechanic, professional airplane pilot and tradition breaker, shook his head in disbelief at the police charge.
(…) Before taking off, Volzer was seen by witnesses downing the contents of a couple of miniature whiskey bottles. Then he gunned the Beechcraft’s motors, knocked down one light barrier, swung his plane around and chopped another in two. (…) Hemmer, frantic at the knowledge that a drunken pilot was aloft with no way to stop him, telephoned state police in Harrisburg, Pa. (…) « Be on the alert for a drunken flyer. » Everybody laughed but a few minutes later, the tower picked up a blinker signal from a Beechcraft circling the field. (…)
Volzer made a perfect landing, staggered from the plane and saw for the first time the « reception committee. » Taken to the 12th District police station, waiting Dr. Edward L. Keyte, a police surgeon, pronounced Volzer intoxicated. Police said they found 100 bottles of whisky aboard the plane, plus five empty bottles. When brought to trial before Judge Juanita Stout, Volzer said: « I wasn’t a threat to anyone. I had no idea I was a wanted man. I made a normal landing. You can’t do that if you’re drunk. »
Judge Stout wasn’t impressed by Volzer eloquence. « You could have killed many people, » she lectured him sternly. « You could have killed me. I’ve got to protect the public from this man. Looks like you were operating a flying bar. »

Source : le tabloïd Midnight, 24 mai 1965.
Oui, la juge qui a prononcé la sentence contre le pilote ivre s’appelait « Stout ». Ça ne s’invente pas.

École pour surdoués.

Traduction en français d’un extrait de The Far Side par Gary Larson.
© United Press Syndicate

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…Because Mother Was Grave Robber!

Year-Old Baby Sent To Prison
…Because Mother Was Grave Robber

by JAMES STAFFORD
Gérald Roussel is an ex-jailbird — even though he’s only 18 months old. The youngster spent six months behind prison bars because French law said he couldn’t be separated from his mother, who is now awaiting trial.
Gerald’s mom, Danielle Roussel, has been accused in one of the strangest robberies ever committed in France.
The young woman has been charged with being an accomplice to a gang of ghouls who broke into a crypt in a cemetery and stole jewels off a rotting corpse.
This weird case broke when a caretaker at a cemetery in Beaumont-du-lac, France, discovered that the Vassiviere family mausoleum had been broken into. He was attracted to the mausoleum by a nauseous smell that came from inside the crypt.
The caretaker was horrified when he saw that a coffin, containing the remains of the widow of Pascal Vassiviere, had been taken out of its alcove and broken into. Mrs. Vassiviere had died May 28, 1858, at Lyon.
Mrs. Vassiviere’s daughter, Mrs. Marcel Cotte, revealed later that a golden wedding ring, silver bracelet, pearl necklace, rosary and jeweled pin had been snatched from the corpse. Even the dead woman’s false teeth, which had gold in them, were missing!
The left hand of the rotting corpse had been torn away and was discovered some distance from the crypt.
An intensive investigation led police to the Limoge jail, where William Serru, 23, and his mistress, Jeanne Van Brydoun, 21, were being held on charges of theft. After stiff questioning by detectives, Serru confessed that he had desecrated the mausoleum and broken into Mrs. Vassiviere’s casket.
Serru cracked under questioning and implicated Mrs. Roussel, whose husband had abandoned her. The 20-year-old woman was arrested and charged with receiving and concealing stolen goods.
Mrs. Roussel confessed that she had hidden the stolen jewelry in the pipe of her kitchen stove. She also admitted having in her possession the two golden teeth stolen from the corpse and said she had hidden them in the backyard of a house owned by Serru’s grandmother at Viche, France.
Because French law forbids the separation of a child of less than 18 months from its mother, Mrs. Roussel was jailed with her son, Gérald, who was then 1 year old. But last March 30, when Gérald became 18 months old he was taken away from his mother and given to a neighbor at Moutiers, who was asked to take care of the youngster termporarily until Mrs. Roussel’s fate is decided.
The date of the trial has not yet been set by the court.
Mrs. Roussel said tearfully she took part in the scheme to rob the grave because her husband had abandoned her and she needed the money. However, she was not aware that the ghouls would strip the corpse of her jewels. She said she thought that they would steal only the jar with the golden coins.
Court sources said the judge will probably be lenient with her because she is so young and she has a little child. The French tend to be very emotional when a youngster is involved, although being very religious, they look sternly on ghouls who desacrate graves in cemeteries.
The judge undoubtedly will be tougher with Serru and his mistress, who acted out of greed when they snatched the jewels from the rotting corpse in the coffin. « Only ghouls would commit such a crime, » said one lawyer. « They deserve to be punished to the full extent of the law. »
Because of his youth, Gérald no doubt will forget his brief prison stay. But his mother will never forget her ordeal!

Midnight May 24, 1965.

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Terrified mother discovers crank letters came from son
When Marie Cacavio’s life was threatened she never guessed her own son was behind the plot.
Last April 5 she noticed a piece of paper in a milk bottle on her porch. When she pulled it out she found it was a note addressed to her. The unfamiliar, scribbled handwriting made vague threats about how she was going to be hurt. Later in the day another note was stuffed into her mailbox. « I was suddenly terrified, » she said.
Marie couldn’t understand why anyone would want to frighten her, and she didn’t realize she was going to spend the next 10 days receiving similar threats.
Marie called the police and told them someone was sending her anonymous letters, but since she had no enemies, she couldn’t understand who was threatening her.
For several days the notes kept turning up in unexpected places — stuffed under her door, in her grocery order, on her bedroom window sill. The police told her the letters were probably just the work of some crank, but suggested she move away until they caught the criminal. So Marie packed for herself and her 14-year-old boy, Thomas, and moved from their Hamilton, New Jersey home to stay with relatives.
But the notes poured in at the new address, and that was the first clue the police had. Marie hadn’t told anyone where she was going, and Thomas said he hadn’t either.
The police went to Thomas’ high school principal and received permission to open his locker. They compared the handwriting in the threatening letters to his classroom notes. The samples matched, so they went to talk to Thomas. He admitted sending the letters.
« I only did it to scare her, » he said. « I didn’t mean to commit a crime. But after she got so scared by the first ones, I decided to keep it up. »
Thomas was released in his parents’ custody pending action by juvenile authorities. « It was only a boy’s prank, » said Marie, « but it nearly gave me heart failure. I hope the authorities aren’t too hard on him. »

Midnight, May 24, 1965.

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On apprenait ce dimanche la mort de Serge Grenier, 73 ans, pionnier du (bon) humour québécois (ça a déjà existé), co-fondateur des influents et légendaires Cyniques, scripteur, acteur dans ce chef d’œuvre psychotronique de chez nous qu’est IXE-13 l’as des espions canadiens, et premier homme à ruiner la crédibilité d’un Justin Trudeau encore aux couches.

Une seule photo, c’est bien peu pour cet hommage, mais c’est bien quand même puisque le magazine CROC, dont il fut rédacteur pendant des années et qui est toujours une grande source de joie pour cet humble site, le décrivait avec à-propos comme « un des pontifes de l’humour québécois ». Le qualificatif est d’autant plus approprié pour celui que Marc Laurendeau décrit comme « le plus littéraire des Cyniques » quand on sait que ces derniers avaient fait du clergé l’une de leurs cibles favorites dans les années 1960. À bien y penser, ce ne serait même pas surprenant qu’il ait écrit cette notice lui-même.

R.I.P. Serge Grenier.

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Beef up your beer.
Pick up a Slim Jim five-pack with your next six-pack. The chewy, all-meat snack will show you very quickly why it became so much at home in bars.
A little less than a meal. A little more than a snack.

Publicité de beef jerky, 1977.

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New Use for Clitoris Found
Chicago — An independent research firm has discovered that the nerve endings found in the human clitoris last longer and illuminate better and more economically than the tungsten now used in light bulbs. The company, Electrogenitalia Research, says the first of the so-called clit bulbs will be available within ten years.

National Lampoon, 08-1977.

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The Compleat Animale
by Acron Amory
- Q. My pedigreed Schnauzer is in heat, and is acting strangely. What should I do?
- Q. Several years ago, my wife and I adopted a baby koala. We had both become quite attached to the creature, but lately my wife has begun to complain that the bear takes up too much space, and is commanding more of my attention than she. Now she insists that I decide between the koala and her. I love my wife, but… can you help?
- Q. My daughter wants to marry a zebra. Is this proper?

Source : National Lampoon, juillet 1976.

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Religion-racketeer sells tickets to eternal life.
Bonne fête, mémère. On vous paye un beau voyage.

During the past three years Elizabeth Rose Lanneville cleaned up a fortune in Montreal.
She averaged around $15,000 a year by selling special excursion tickets to eternal life in the hereafter.

Midnight, 24 mai 1965.

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