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Goodbye to the ’70s
A not-so-fond farewell to the decade that finished off the Age of Aquarius
The Seventies, the decade that brought you Watergate, Koreagate, $1.20 gas, 13-percent inflation and Hamilton Jordan, are gone for good. Sorry? Probably not. Just the same, your friends at CHIC wanted to memorialize the era just past — and to show you how much difference 10 years can make — by compiling some information on the way we were 10 years ago. And remember, any decade that started off Nixon as President and ended up with anybody else can’t be a total waste.
STILL MORE AMERICAN GRAFFITI
Remember these boss goldens? According to Billboard, they were the top-selling records of 1970:
1) Bridge Over Troubled Water, Simon & Garfunkel
2) Close to You, The Carpenters
3) American Woman, Guess Who
4) Raindrops Keep Fallin’ on My Head, B.J. Thomas
5) War, Edwin Starr
6) Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, Diana Ross
7) I’ll Be There, The Jackson 5
8 ) Get Ready, Rare Earth
9) Let It Be, The Beatles (broke up in ’69)
10) Band of Gold, Freda Payne
CRUISE
What were the hottest-selling cars a decade ago? Ward’s Automotive Reports supplies the answers. The first two are multiple listings, but they’re actually your basic Ford and Chevy. Engine and body styles are the same; the different model names are caused by trimmings and incidental goodies. Note the absence of Toyota, Datsun, Fiat, Le Car and (Bang! Fwoosh!) Ford Pinto:
1) Ford LTD, Galaxy, Custom 500 – 837,000
2) Chevy Impala, Caprice – 718,000
3) VW Beetle – 406,000
4) Chevy Chevelle – 380,000
5) Ford Torino – 348,000
6) Ford Maverick – 339,000
7) Buick Electra – 293,000
8) Plymouth Fury – 256,000
9) Plymouth Valiant – 251,000
10) Pontiac Bonneville – 248,000
THE FLICKS
The 10 top movies of 1970, as reported by Variety, and their distributors’ rentals:
1) Airport – $37,650,796
2) M*A*S*H – $22,000,000
3) Patton – $21,000,000
4) Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice – $13,900,000
5) Woodstock – $13,500,000
6) Hello, Dolly! – $13,000,000
7) Cactus Flower – $11,300,000
8) Catch-22 – $9,250,000
9) On Her Majesty’s Secret Service – $9,000,000
10) The Reivers – $8,000,000
[Just by way of contrast, Variety reports that Star Wars's first-year rentals totaled $127 million!]
BATTER UP!
The top-10 major league batting averages of 1970:
1) Rico Carty, Atlanta Braves .366
2) Alex Johnson, California Angels .329
3) Carl Yastrzemski, Boston Red Sox .329
4) Tony Oliva, Minnesota Twins .325
5) Joe Torre, St. Louis Cardinals .325
6) Manny Sanguillen, Pittsburgh Pirates .325
7) Billy Williams, Chicago Cubs .322
8) Wes Parker, Los Angeles Dodgers .319
9) Clarence Gaston, San Diego Padres .318
10) Tony Perez, Cincinnati Reds .317
MAKING BOOK
Publisher’s Weekly lists these books as the biggest sellers of 1970:
Fiction
1) Love Story, Erich Segal
2) The French Lieutenant’s Woman, John Fowles
3) Islands in the Stream, Ernest Hemmingway
4) The Crystal Cave, Mary Stewart
5) Great Lion of God, Taylor Caldwell
Non-Fiction
1) Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex But Were Afraid to Ask, David Reuben
2) The New English Bible, Oxford University Press and Cambridge University Press
3) The Sensuous Woman, « J »
4) Better Homes and Gardens Fondue and Tabletop Cooking, the editors of BH&G
5) Up the Organization, Robert Townsend
WHAT DO THE FOLLOWING PEOPLE HAVE IN COMMON?
Janis Ian, David Kopay, David Bowie, Angela Bowie, Malcolm Boyd, Joan Baez, Elton John, Kate Millett, Charles Reich
[They all "came out" in the Seventies; each admitted to having had homosexual experiences.]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Look what birthdays these people will be celebrating in 1980:
John Lennon will turn 40.
Frank Zappa will turn 40.
Brooke Shields will turn 15.
ABSENT FRIENDS
Here’s how old 10 celebrities would be in 1980:
JFK would have been 63.
Bobby Kennedy would have been 55.
Martin Luther King would have been 51.
Che Guevara would have been 52.
Jimi Hendrix would have been 38.
Janis Joplin would have been 37.
Jim Morrison would have been 37.
Jack Kerouac would have been 58.
James Dean would have been 49.
Richard Nixon will be 67.
TWENTY THINGS THAT DISAPPEARED DURING THE SEVENTIES,
PROBABLY FOR GOOD
1) Gas wars
2) Cheap Mexican dope
3) Look Magazine (twice)
4) Cigarette commercials
5) East Pakistan
6) Babe Ruth’s lifetime record
7) « Underground » FM programming
8) The Orient Express
9) VW Beetles
10) Idi Amin
11) Glitter rock
12) The Washington Senators
13) Peck and Peck
14) The $25,000 starter house
15) SDS
16) $3 movies
17) Kids who can read
18) Swine flu
19) Miniskirts
20) The Sixties
TWENTY TERMS THAT WOULD BE ABSOLUTELY
MEANINGLESS IF THE SEVENTIES HAD NEVER HAPPENED
1) Hot tubs
2) OPEC
3) ‘Ludes
4) The Force
5) Executive privileges
6) Cult expert
7) Born again
8) Laetrile
9) China syndrome
10) Nanoo-nanoo
11) LED
12) SLA
13) Pong
14) Free-agent draft
15) Gang of four
16) Cellulite
17) Pop Rocks
18) Palimony
19) Roller disco
20) Stagflation
TEN THINGS WE DIDN’T SEE IN THE SEVENTIES,
AND PROBABLY WON’T SEE IN THE EIGHTIES EITHER
1) The four-day work week
2) Passage of the ERA
3) The Beatles back together
4) Gay Talese’s book on sex
5) A cheap alternative to petroleum
6) The Chicago Cubs in the World Series
7) The death of rock
8) Quality prime-time TV
9) Revitalized inner cities
10) Legal dope
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